


Our Story Isn't Over Yet

by JillMarie



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Blow Jobs, Christmas Fluff, Hand Jobs, Holiday, J2 Reverse Big Bang Challenge (Supernatural RPF), M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Romance, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21584914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JillMarie/pseuds/JillMarie
Summary: Jensen was Jared’s first love. They secretly dated in their small town until Jensen's father’s homophobia brutally forced them apart twelve years ago. A chance meeting at Christmas allows them to see if there’s anything left to rekindle.In other words I somehow turned teen angst into another “Hallmark Holiday” type fic. If you like oblivious pining boys, misunderstandings, missteps, drunken relatives and happy endings this is for you.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 34
Kudos: 329





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A million thank yous to Bluefire986, my amazing artist. Not only did she mod this com and challenge, she made extra art for this work and had so much patience.You are a gift to this fandom!!!!  
> Hugs, love and respect to my betas jdl71 and masja. They worked selflessly to beat this into shape. All remaining errors and confusion are my fault.  
> These people deserve so much love and gratitude.

[](https://imgur.com/VDrf4Xh)

Jared took deep calming breaths as he prepared for the attack.

He’d just survived the cross-town rush-hour traffic on the Friday before a holiday weekend. He drove another thirty minutes on small-town, barely plowed roads. His death grip on the steering wheel left his knuckles sore. That was nothing to what lay ahead.

Christmas with his family in a small town inn. The inn was his mother’s idea. She and his father had moved into a retirement community and couldn’t host the family holiday gathering. The Forty Winks Inn was centrally located and had enough rooms for the out-of-town aunts and uncles and cousins. Jared squinted through his quickly frosting windshield. The inn looked like something out of a Currier and Ives print but inside was Jared’s hell on earth. There was no escape.

He was the last to arrive, meaning he’d be the center of attention. Jared promised himself a drink if he made it through greeting his family.

Mom would hound him about his health, his eating habits, and then hit him with relationship questions. Dad would interrogate him about work and his 401k. His older brother was the successful golden boy who grew up to be a doctor and was now engaged. His younger sister was the beautiful, adorable, baby who was always dating charming, successful career-minded young men.

Jared was the part-time novelist and full-time community college professor who didn’t have time for real relationships.

Jared stepped through the front door and into another time. The lobby was also the great room. A small bar lined one end of the room. On the other side there were sofas and chairs and a fireplace complete with roaring fire. Two large evergreens stood at either end of the room and there wasn’t an inch that wasn’t covered in festive decorations.

His sister slammed into his side. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I’ve been dying for you to get here. You will not believe who’s here.”

“Oof.” Jared dislodged her from his side. “Hi, Megan, nice to see you. And who’s here? Wait, if mom invited Sebastian like she threatened to do, I’m leaving right now. Christmas or not.”

“Ew, no, not Sebastian. So much better and hotter-”

“Ah, you must be Jared, I’m Ellen. Welcome to the Forty Winks.” A middle-aged woman with a friendly smile interrupted them and shook Jared’s hand. “You can hang your coat on those hooks there and I’ll show you to your room.”

Jared hung his coat and when he turned back around his brother had joined them. His size effectively cutting them off from the room. “Dude.”

“Hey, Jeff.”

“Dude -”

Megan nudged her oldest brother. “I was just about to tell him.”

“Um, would you like to wait to go to your room?” Ellen looked from one Padalecki to the next.

Megan grabbed the key from her hand. “We got it, Ellen. What room is he in?”

“Twenty-four. It’s at the end of the hall on the third floor.”

“Thanks, come on, Jare, I’ll even carry your bag.” Jeff put a hand on Jared’s shoulder to guide him to the stairs, but Jared shrugged it off.

“What’s going on? I can take my bag up later. Let me go say ‘hi’ to Mom and Dad and get a drink-” Jared glanced at the bar. Then he blinked slowly as if to clear his vision. “Holy shit,” he whispered as the rest of him froze to the spot.

Almost as if he had heard Jared, the bartender looked across the room and forgot how to mix a gin and tonic as he met Jared’s eye. He stared open-mouthed until the man across from him tapped his hand to get his attention.

“Is that...how?” Jared mumbled letting his siblings shove him to the stairs.

“I think so and I don’t know how,” Jeff replied taking the stairs two at a time.

“It wasn’t Mom,” Megan said answering Jared’s unasked question. “I don’t think she recognized him. If it is him.”

“If it’s not him, it’s his twin,” Jeff said. They turned the landing for the third floor. “Figures they’d put you in the farthest room.”

“You’re the one who offered to carry his bag,” Megan reminded him.

Jared huffed out a breath. “Did you guys talk to him? What is he doing here? Does he know I’m going to be here?”

“I didn’t say a word. Megan told me about him the minute I got here.” Jeff set down the suitcase as he waited for his sister to unlock Jared’s door.

“He poured me a drink but we didn’t really talk. But who can forget that face?” Megan said when she opened the door and turned on the light. “He’s still -- holy shit.” All thought of the bartender left them as they took in the decor of Jared’s room.

Jeff started to snicker. “Oh my god.” He walked past Jared to put the bag on the bed. “They think you’re a ten-year-old girl!”

Jared looked around in mock horror. “Are all the rooms like this?” A bottle of Pepto must have exploded in the room. Everywhere he looked was another shade of pink. The furniture was painted white with pink trim and pink stuffed bears grinned from every shelf. The queen sized bed had a frilly pink comforter with matching canopy. Sitting amongst the many pink and lace pillows was a giant teddy bear holding a heart. The room also had a gas fireplace, two overstuffed pink chairs and French doors that opened onto a balcony.

Jeff shrugged. “Mine has a baseball theme. Mind you, I thought it was over the top until I saw this,” he chuckled and walked over to the French doors. “Looks like you share the balcony with a neighbor but you won’t get much use of it in this weather.”

“My room has sunflowers. A lot of sunflowers but nothing like this,” Megan replied eyes still wide as she took in the splendor of pink.

“Guess I’m just lucky,” Jared chuckled.

Megan sobered instantly. “And if you want to get lucky you’re going to comb your hair and change into something that makes you look less like a professor and more like a male model.”

“Megan!” Jared began to chastise her.

“She’s right. Tell me you packed something besides Mom’s ugly Christmas sweaters.”

Jared exhaled heavily. “Fine. I’ll do my best to look decent, but you guys have to keep him away from Mom.”

“Absolutely,” they said in unison.

“Do you think he even remembers me?” he wondered out loud.

“I don’t know. He didn’t seem to recognize me, but I was eleven-years-old last time he saw me,” Megan replied.

Jeff shrugged. “If he doesn’t, who cares? You can have a fresh start, or jog his memory with a Christmas quickie.”

Jared rolled his eyes as they left him to agonize over his wardrobe and twelve years of heartache.

Twelve Years Ago

Jared felt exposed, like that dream where he’d go to school in his underwear. It seemed like everyone was staring at him. It didn’t matter that no one knew his secret. He was just as vulnerable. He kept his head down and shoulders hunched so he wouldn’t draw attention to himself. Despite how hard he tried to hide, someone was always watching.

He scanned the hallway and, like always, Jensen Ackles was leaning against a locker with his gorgeous green eyes following Jared.

All the air disappeared from his surroundings. Jared would hold his breath from the moment the bell rang to when he entered his fourth-period calculus class. He couldn’t help it. Ever since he spotted Jensen Ackles in the hallway during passing, Jared could not breathe. Jared didn’t know why this happened. He knew Jensen wasn’t an alien or some kind of magical creature able to suck all the air out of the building. He affected no one else. But the moment Jensen made eye contact with him, Jared stopped breathing.

After a week of this torture, Jared understood it was a defense mechanism. If he could not breathe, he wouldn’t say something stupid like, “I love you. You are the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. I want to have your baby.” Jared didn’t care how impossible that last one was, he was willing to try.

He could live without air for those few minutes, but when Jensen started to attend study hall in the school’s library, Jared assumed he would die. Or at least he’d fail out of school because he spent study hall daydreaming about Jensen.

Then in October, it happened.

Jared sat with his calculus work spread out before him. This study hall he would study and not daydream about Jensen and how kissable his lips looked. He didn’t even bother to look in the Jensen’s direction.

It was a great plan until a scrap torn from a newspaper dropped in front of him. Jared looked up to see Jensen rushing to his seat. Had Jensen dropped it? Jared read the torn clipping. It was an ad for a movie theater downtown with Friday’s double feature circled in red with a question mark next to it.

He glanced at Jensen who was biting his lip as he watched Jared read. For a moment Jared couldn’t tear his eyes from those teeth wishing they were his biting that lip. But Jensen’s slightly anxious eyes finally got his attention. “Well?” they seemed to ask with a slight nod of Jensen’s head.

Jared looked down at the paper then smiled back at Jensen. The other boy beamed and scribbled something on another scrap of paper. He balled it up, looked around for anyone watching, and then tossed it to Jared.

“Pick you up at 8.”

Jared blushed, but it didn’t stop his grin. Somewhere, way back in his mind, he heard ‘never gonna use calculus anyway’.

“How did you know?” Jared murmured. Jensen was only a block away from his home and this first, most perfect date, would soon be over.

“I didn’t, I just hoped,” Jensen whispered, miraculously knowing exactly what Jared meant. “And I knew you wouldn’t hate me or make my life hell if your answer was no.”

Jensen parked in front of Jared’s house and double-checked the deserted street. There were lights on in the Padalecki house. But, no one was standing at the window looking out. It seemed like they were the only souls left on earth.

Jared fidgeted in his seat. He didn’t want the night to end but he couldn’t bring himself to make the first move. Jensen glanced at him then gripped the steering wheel and shifted in his seat. “Jared, do you want to --”

“Yes.”

Jensen nearly laughed at the quick response. “I haven’t even finished asking yet.”

“Okay, but the answer is yes. If you’re asking if I had fun, yes. If you’re asking if I want to do it again, yes.”

“What if I’m asking if you want to kiss me?”

Jared nodded. “Yes,” he replied breathlessly and moved closer to Jensen.

The kiss was a tentative brush of lips that grew more confident with each passing second. Soon the car’s windows were steamed up and the world outside the car ceased to exist. Jensen cursed when he hit the steering wheel as he tried to get closer to Jared. “Next time we’ll find someplace better to park,” he promised stealing another kiss.

At school, they nodded ‘hellos’ in the halls and sat together during study hall, but they never appeared to be more than friends. Dates were never where they might be seen or recognized. Jared’s favorite dates took place in his room.

They’d turn on a movie and spend the next few hours making out and dry humping. “Please, Jared,” Jensen whined, his voice a hot breath against Jared’s neck. He had Jared pinned against the floor, one leg between Jared’s. “I wanna touch you. Can I?” His hand brushed over Jared’s jean covered crotch waiting for permission.

“Jesus, yes,” Jared sighed.

Jensen shifted his position to allow him to tug off Jared’s jeans completely. He pulled off Jared’s shirt leaving his boyfriend naked. “You are so fucking hot, Jared,” he whispered as his eyes worshipped Jared’s body.

Jared blushed and his hand moved to cover his dick. “How come I’m the only one naked here?”

Jensen blinked at him before smiling. “Cause you’re so hot my brain fried.” He yanked his shirt over his head.

Jared propped himself up on his elbows so he could see Jensen better. His breath caught in his lungs. Jensen was gorgeous. Jared had never been naked in front of anyone before, locker rooms didn’t count. Hell, he never dated before and now, now the most stunning guy he’d ever seen was naked in his room.

Grinding against each other while dressed was good, but this was so much better. Jensen positioned them on their sides, allowing him to wrap his hand around both of their cocks. Jared gripped Jensen’s hip and tried to watch, tried to hold on, but it felt so good. It was like the rest of his body didn’t exist, all sensation was focused on his dick and what Jensen was doing. “Fuck, fuck, Jare,” Jensen gasped as he shuddered and covered them in a hot wet mess. Jared’s eyes rolled back in his head as he lost control immediately.

Jensen rolled onto his back to catch his breath. “That was awesome,” he chuckled, more of a breath than a laugh.

“Yeah,” Jared said, panting and lying next to him. “We definitely need to do that more.”

“Definitely,” Jensen agreed. “But I want a lot more, too.”

“Like what?” Jared asked. He sat up and grabbed the tissue box next to his bed. He pulled some from it and handed the box to Jensen.

Jensen took the tissues and wiped the mess from his hands and stomach. “I wanna suck you off,” he began. “I want you to suck me off. I wanna fuck you.” He paused and glanced at Jared. “I wanna spend a whole day with you and, like, make you come a hundred different ways just so I can watch it happen. You are like so fucking hot I can’t even, like, think around you.”

Jared stared at him and nodded as he tried to process Jensen’s ideas. “Yeah, yes, all of that. I want that, too.”

Jensen grinned then tackled him and kissed him. Jared never wanted to stop but his stomach growled making Jensen laugh into the kiss. “Yeah, we should probably eat something. Pizza?” He grabbed his phone. “Shit! My dad’s called three times!” He sat up in a panic, his thumb hovering over the call button.

“Doesn’t he know you’re here?” Jared asked not disguising that he didn’t understand the panic on Jensen’s face.

“He knows I’m not at work and that I’m at a friend’s. He never calls. Fuck!” Jensen dressed hurriedly and paced the room. “Shit, he must be so mad.”

Jared dressed while he watched Jensen pace. “Do you want me to leave the room while you call him back?” he asked wondering if the need for privacy was why Jensen wasn’t calling his dad.

“Huh?” Jensen looked at Jared as if he had forgotten where he was. “No. You don’t have to. I will call--”

A knock on the door interrupted him. “Jared? Jensen? Can I come in?” Jared’s mom asked.

Jared glanced around the room to make sure it didn’t look like they’d just been naked. After he got a nod from Jensen he replied, “Sure, Mom.”

She opened the door but didn’t enter the room. “Were you boys planning to go out? It’s really coming down out there and they’re saying the roads are getting bad.”

“It’s snowing?” the boys said in unison and went to Jared’s window. Several inches of fresh heavy snow covered everything.

Jensen looked at his phone then Jared. “I guess I should --”

“Mom, is it okay if Jensen sleeps over?” Jared asked before Jensen could decide.

“Of course, dear. Jensen, call your parents. I don’t want them to worry,” she smiled and closed the door.

Jensen stared at him slack-jawed.

Jared grinned like he’d won a prize. “Go on. Call your dad. Tell him you’re sleeping over.”

“Your folks are okay with that?” Jensen asked as if he didn’t believe his ears.

“Yeah, obviously. Now call.”

Jensen studied the phone in his hand like it terrified him. “Right okay.” He pressed the call button and waited. “Hey, Dad.”

Jared couldn’t hear the words spoken but the loud angry tone came through loud and clear.

“I know, I’m sorry. We were watching a movie and I lost track of time,” Jensen said putting on his coat. There was another angry burst from the other end. “I’m leaving right now.” He hung up and didn’t look at Jared as he put on his shoes. “I’m sorry,” he said just above a whisper. “My dad is not as cool as your folks.”

As Jensen stood up, Jared thought Jensen had tears in his eyes.

“Call me when you get home?” Jared asked.

Jensen shook his head. “He’s gonna ground me so I won’t have a phone or my car. I’ll see you Monday.”

Jared followed Jensen down the hall. “What are you doing?” Jensen asked over his shoulder.

“There’s like four inches of snow out there, dude. I’m gonna shovel the driveway while you clear off your car.”

It took longer than either of them expected to clear the snow away. It was still falling in big fat flakes as they finished, covering everything in a soft white and silencing the world around them.

“Thanks, man.” Jensen gave him a half-smile. He was red with the cold and exertion and his breath clouded the air.

“I was gonna have to do it anyway and this way I got to be with you a little longer,” Jared replied.

Jensen looked around. The street was deserted, the snow keeping everyone indoors. “C’mere,” he whispered and tugged on Jared’s coat until he could press his cold wet lips against Jared’s. Jared eagerly kissed back. If he wasn’t going to be alone with Jensen for a week, he wanted to make this kiss count. It had to convey everything he couldn’t find the words to say.

The sound of the plow at the far end of the street made Jared realize they were out in the open and could be seen by any of his neighbors so he pulled away.

Jensen grabbed Jared’s hand before he could get too far. He stared into Jared’s eyes. “I love you.” He placed a quick kiss on Jared’s cheek.

Jared became as frozen as the world around them. He stood by, mouth gaping and dumbly blinking, while Jensen climbed into his car. “You, too.” He wasn’t sure that Jensen heard him but he smiled at Jared as he backed his car onto the street.


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner

When Jared returned to the inn’s great room, the family had separated into the usual groups. Older men, like his father and uncles, had settled into easy chairs with their cocktails and talk of ailments. The aunts gathered by the fire where they compared their children’s successes and failures. The cousins sorted themselves by varying ages.

Jared eyed the bar and found no one working. Perfect time to get himself that promised drink. He was choosing between scotch and a draft beer (how drunk did he want to get?) when a voice behind him said, “Of all the gin joints.”

“It’s the only gin joint, Cuz,” Jared replied turning around. “Thank God you’re here.” He wrapped his arms around the redhead. “I’ve missed you, Felicia.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she said into their embrace. “But, good news, I’ll soon be able to see a lot more of you.”

“You got the job?” Jared asked, his face lit with joy.

Felicia nodded, grinning with excitement. “You’re looking at the new counselor at Central High. I start full-time next month.”

“Well, that calls for a celebratory drink! What’ll you have?”

Felicia smirked and rolled her eyes. “You realize if I have anything stronger than a light beer I end up drunk and crying in a corner.”

Jared laughed. “Okay, one light beer for you and a regular draft -”

“Oh, Jared there you are. Can you mix an old-fashioned for your father? And hand me that bottle of chardonnay and some glasses. Thank you, dear.”

“Hello to you too, Mom.”

“Oh Jared, I’m sorry. Hello dear.” Sherry Padalecki leaned closer and kissed her son’s cheek. “Hello Felicia, I hear congratulations are in order.”

“Thanks, Aunt Sherry.” Felicia handed her the bottle of wine. “I hope you’re sharing this with the other aunts,” she teased.

“I am. Though I can barely keep up with your Aunt Rachel.”

Jared handed her the other cocktail. “Here you go, Mom, one old-fashioned.”

His mom looked at her already full hands. “Oh. Uh, Felicia would you be a dear and deliver that to Gerry?”

“Sure, Aunt Sherry.” She took the drink and faced Jared. “Don’t go anywhere. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

She left on her delivery mission leaving Jared at the bar with two beers. He took a sip of one but it was the light beer so he poured a fresh one. “While you’re pouring, can you get one for me?”

Jared smirked at the cousin who was asking. “Jake, you aren’t old enough to drink.”

“Come on, Jared. It’s not like I’m driving anywhere.”

“Ask your parents to get you one,” Jared said moving from behind the bar so he wouldn’t be forced to bartend for his other relatives. Speaking of bartenders, Jared glanced around the room, where was the one from earlier?

He saw Felicia had gotten trapped talking to the uncles. His brother chatted with his fiancée and another couple. Neither Megan nor her boyfriend were in sight. Jared felt that odd sensation that someone was watching him. He hoped it was his height and proximity to the bar that was responsible until he spotted his mother and the air disappeared from the room.

A moment later his mother was standing in front of him with Jensen Ackles at her side. “Jared, look who’s here! It’s Jensen. Can you believe it? How long has it been?”

“Twelve years,” Jensen replied holding out his hand to shake Jared’s. “Nice to see you, Jared.”

Jared blinked at them while his mind caught up to reality. He shook Jensen’s hand. “Yeah, you too.” His voice sounded weak and unsure to his ears. Thousands of questions ran through Jared’s mind as the moment he’d fantasized about for more than a decade played out in front of him. “What are you-”

“Jensen! OhmyGod! What are you doing here?” Felicia squealed as she cut between them to hug Jensen.

“He works here,” Jared mumbled wondering how Felicia knew Jensen.

“No, I don’t. I live here,” Jensen explained.

“Really? You make that commute every morning?” Felicia asked.

“Wait, how do you know each other?” Jared asked attempting to get all the facts straight in his mind.

“We work together. Or we will,” Felicia clarified, “once I start at Central.”

“Oh, are you a teacher?” Sherry asked Jensen.

“No. Felicia and I are both counselors at the school,” Jensen replied. His eyes never leaving Jared as he spoke.

“Why are you living at this inn?” Jared asked knowing there were plenty of places in town Jensen could live.

“Long story,” Jensen began. “But the short version is I’m friends with Ellen and I can’t move into my house until after the first.”

Learning that Jensen was working and living near him made Jared consider future possibilities until one negative thought crashed in. Why hadn’t Jensen contacted him when he came back to town? He wouldn’t ask now, not in front of his mom and Felicia but he didn’t stop wondering.

Felicia noticed how Jensen didn’t pull his eyes away from her cousin. “I’m curious how you two are acquainted.”

“They dated in high school,” Jared’s mom answered before either of them.

“Mom! Jensen went to my school for like a month in high school,” Jared replied, effectively chastising his mom and slighting Jensen.

His mother looked taken aback for a second, but her wine won the moment. “Well, they kissed in a snowstorm so maybe not a real date.”

Jared barely noticed Jensen’s blushing smile before squeezing his eyes shut. He mumbled, “Sorry,” in Jensen’s direction then hissed, “Mom, you can’t out people with trivial crap from high school.”

Jensen took a breath before shrugging. “Don’t worry, I’m the advisor of the pride alliance at Central so, yeah, my secret’s out.”

“Wow, small world,” Felicia said with a smile to smooth over the surrounding awkwardness.

“Yeah, I had no idea y’all were related.” Jensen smiled at her. “So, I will let you have some quality family time.” He turned to Jared’s mom and took her hand. “Mrs. Padalecki, thank you, again, for everything.”

She smiled at him like they shared a secret. “Call me Sherry and please join us anytime, Jensen. We’d love to have you.”

He nodded at Jared and turned away.

“Wait, we should have dinner,” Jared suggested, surprising himself with his sudden surge of bravery.

Jensen pivoted back to him. “No, I don’t want to intrude,” his voice was hesitant, and he didn’t meet Jared’s gaze.

“Yes! Jensen, join us,” Sherry agreed with a welcoming smile.

Felicia also joined in the pleading. “Yeah, come on, it’ll be fun.”

Jared had meant the two of them, alone. Since they both lived in town, they could meet up for dinner.

Jensen studied their sincere expressions for a moment. “Okay. If you’re sure it won’t be a problem…”

Sherry waved off his concern. “What’s one more when we have this many?”

Jared smiled. Dinner couldn’t possibly be more awkward than this conversation.

Jared underestimated the levels of awkwardness alcohol caused in his family. Jared and Jensen sat at a table with ten other family members. The festive atmosphere didn’t lend itself to private conversation. Jensen sat between Felicia and Sherry. When Jared’s mom wasn’t talking to him, he and Felicia talked about work.

“So it really is Jensen Ackles, huh,” Megan whispered. “When will you make your move?”

“Shh. I don’t even know if he’s available for a ‘move’. Why is Mom so chummy with him? That’s new, right?” Jared asked.

Megan shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t remember much about him. He sure seems close with Felicia.”

The plates were cleared and drinks and desserts served when Jared’s father decided to tease his favorite niece.

“Felicia, when are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend there?” Gerry Padalecki winked at the others.

Felicia blushed like a dutiful niece. “Uncle Gerry, this is Jensen Ackles. We work together.”

“Fishing off the company pier, eh?” Gerry tsked. “Wait, Jensen? I recognize that name.” He squinted at the man.

“Yes, Mr. Padalecki, Jared and I met in high school,” Jensen replied.

“Right, yes. I never forget a face,” Gerry nodded and then indicated Felicia with another nod. “So you switch teams or do you bat for both sides?”

Jared face-palmed while Megan joined him in admonishing their father with a hissed, “Dad!”

“What? I’m only asking.”

“It’s none of your business!” Megan snapped.

Gerry shrugged and finished his cocktail. “I just don’t want him breaking her heart the way he broke Jared’s.”

Jared and Jensen exchanged glances while Jared’s mother apologized for her husband. Jared rolled his eyes and sighed. So much for less awkward, he thought.

“Wait, you two dated in high school?” Megan’s boyfriend asked, looking from Jared to Jensen. Dustin had been quiet for most of the meal but chose the most awkward moment to join the conversation. “That’s amazing,” he said after a pause. “When I was in high school I was afraid to talk to girls. I’m twenty-six and it took all my nerve to talk to Megan. I can’t imagine being a gay teenager in a small town and asking a guy out. I mean, besides rejection there’s the exposing of your secret. Society wasn’t as accepting back then, that had to be terrifying. You were lucky to find each other.” He shook his head then raised his glass. “Here’s to the brave that follow their hearts.”

Megan raised her glass with a fond smile for her boyfriend. “To the brave that follow their hearts.”

As the others joined in the toast, Jared and Jensen only had eyes for each other.

***** 

Not surprisingly, Jensen excused himself immediately after dinner. Jared joined the other cousins for a game of Cards Against Humanity. By the time the game was over, he had nearly forgotten the uncomfortable dinner and was ready to crash for twelve hours


	3. Chapter 3

Jared found himself in the high school gym during the annual Snow Ball. He desperately wanted to be like everyone else, dancing with their dates, kissing and laughing. As student council president he had to volunteer at the dance. It hurt to watch his classmates act upon their teenage desires. It was so unfair that those same people would make his life a living hell if they saw him with his boyfriend.

The sound system blasted a cheesy pop ballad and suddenly Jensen was tapping Jared's arm. Smiling he whispered, “Come on.” Jared followed, all hesitance replaced with eagerness to be alone with Jensen. He was led to a small equipment room behind the bleachers. With his hands on Jared’s hips, Jensen pulled him close and sighed, “I wish we could be out there with everyone, but at least we can have this.”

Jared’s heart beat faster as he swayed in Jensen’s arms. Jensen kissed him just below his ear. “I love you, Jared.”

Jared melted at the words and the sensation of Jensen’s lips on his neck. His head spun; he held Jensen closer thinking their bodies could fuse into one right there behind the bleachers. Jared coaxed his leg between Jensen’s legs so that his thigh brushed against his boyfriend’s growing erection.“I want you so much, Jensen,” he growled just over the sound of the music.

Jensen leaned back enough to look into Jared’s eyes for a moment before sliding a hand in Jared’s hair to pull him in for a kiss.

Adrenalin pounded through Jared’s veins. His fear of being caught kissing Jensen mixed with his desire for his boyfriend. Jensen pressed him into the cold concrete brick wall and continued to ride his thigh. He moaned as he devoured Jared’s mouth. One hand held Jared’s head at the perfect angle, the other gripped and squeezed Jared’s ass.

The song changed to something loud with pounding bass and Jensen’s moves increased with the change in rhythm. He trembled in Jared’s hold and broke the kiss to pant against Jared’s chest. Without warning, he slid to his knees and opened Jared’s fly. He pulled Jared’s cock free and sucked it between his kissed bruised lips. He worked the length with one hand and licked and sucked at the crown. Jared clawed his own thighs to stop himself from screaming. When Jensen managed to swallow most of his cock, Jared’s hands buried themselves in Jensen’s hair. Every nerve in Jared's body seized, his balls tightened and his hips thrust a final time as he came. Jensen swallowed until Jared’s cock went limp in his mouth.

The scene shifted to a different memory.

The wind howled through the narrow streets whipping the snow into angry whirlwinds that felt like daggers against Jared’s skin. Up ahead, Jensen vanished into an alley. Jared reluctantly followed. The alley seemed an interminable distance away and Jared knew he would be too late. By the time he turned the corner, Jared knew what he would find and his stomach turned.

[](https://imgur.com/WWHhnnp)

The smell of rotting food made Jared gag, but taking the trash to the dumpster was the last chore before his shift was over. When the metal lid clanged shut, Jared heard someone whisper his name. He turned, and next to the discarded wooden pallets, Jensen was hiding. “Hey, what are you doing here?” Jared asked, his face brightening upon hearing his boyfriend.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” Jensen answered pushing himself up only to crumble back down.

“Jensen!” Jared rushed to his side, terrified at the cuts and bruises on Jensen’s face. “What happened?”

“My dad. He saw us. He told me he doesn’t want a fag for a son.” Jensen pushed himself up again. “Kicked my ass and threw me out.” Jared helped him up and kept his arm around him, supporting as much of his weight as he could. “He doesn’t know who you are and I didn’t tell him.”

Jared snarled, “He’s gonna know me when I kick the shit out of him!”

“No!” Jensen stopped and grabbed Jared’s arm. “Don’t go near him. If he hurts you, it’ll kill me. Promise me you won’t do anything.”

“Jensen, look at what he did to you! He’s gotta pay for that.”

“No, and don’t tell your folks, either. If anyone finds out about this, they’ll be coming after both of us.”

“I don’t care!”

“I do,” Jensen pleaded. “Your family might be okay with us, but this town isn’t ready for it. They’re gonna make our lives hell. Nobody needs to know about this.”

Jared huffed in resignation. He fished his car keys from his pocket. “Here, get in my car and warm up. My shift’s over but I gotta clock out. I’ll be right there.”

When they get to Jared’s room, Jensen nearly collapsed on the bed. “I’m going to get you some ice and some Advil,” Jared said, turning to go.

“No. Stay here with me. I just need you. I don’t want any of that stuff. I just want to be with you.” Jensen pleaded with watery eyes.

Jared leaned down and kissed the bruise forming around Jensen’s right eye. “I’ll be right back.”

“No.” Jensen grabbed Jared’s arm and pulled him onto the bed. “Just stay with me, please.” He brushed Jared’s hair back and kissed him.

Jared was concerned about Jensen’s injuries, but couldn’t stop himself from giving into Jensen’s kiss. Soon clothes were being taken off and Jensen kissed his way down Jared’s chest. He worked open Jared’s jeans and stroked Jared through the fabric of his underwear. As Jared grew harder his cock peeked over the waistband inviting Jensen to lick it. “Fuck, you make me crazy,” Jared growled in a harsh whisper.

Jensen grinned up at him. “Just wait ‘til I fuck you.” He sucked the tip of Jared’s cock into his mouth again.

A banging at the door stopped them. “Jared! Come on, wake up!”

Damn his mother had bad timing.

He had Jensen naked in his bed, they would ignore any interruption. “Go away,” he mumbled back.

More banging and another muffled call, “Jared, open the door!”

He was so close, Jensen was so close, just a little more time, just a little longer… More banging on the door.

Jared blinked his eyes and Jensen disappeared. He was no longer a teenager in his room. Bang, Bang, Bang. “Come on, man, please, I’m fuckin’ freezing. Wake up!”

Jared struggled with the sheets as he sat up. The pink of the room reminding him where he was. The wind howled and rattled the French door of the balcony. He scowled at it, blaming it for waking him from what would have been a very nice dream.

The door banged again and now Jared swore a figure was on the other side. He climbed out of bed and stumbled over without putting on a robe to cover the t-shirt and boxer briefs he slept in.

“Please, man, let me in.”

Jared pulled open the door. “Jensen?” A snow-drift fell from the overhang onto Jensen but he seemed too frozen to notice. “What are you doing out there?”

Jensen didn’t answer. Instead, he pushed past Jared into the room. He toed off his shoes and brushed the snow off his head. “S-sorry. I d-don’t m-mean to get sn-ow everywhere.” His voice shook with the cold.

Behind him, Jared shut the door, stepped around the puddle of snow and repeated his question, “What were you doing out there?”

“Freezing my ass off. J-jeez you sleep like the dead.” Jensen picked up his shoes, making more snow fall off of him and onto the floor, and stepped farther into the room. “I went out-t for a smoke and got l-locked out.”

“Where are you going?”

“D-downstairs to get another key.”

“Don’t be stupid. Go sit by the fire. I’ll call down and they can send someone up. You probably have hypothermia.”

Jensen did as he was told and Jared turned the knob on the gas fireplace to bring up the flame. “How long were you out there?”

“D-don’t know, twent-ty minutes maybe.” He was shivering so strongly his teeth chattered.

“Take off your coat and sit down. We need to get you warm.” Jensen’s fingers were so cold and stiff Jared had to work the buttons on his peacoat.

Jared rushed to pull the heavy down quilt from his bed. He wrapped it around Jensen and forced him to sit. He grabbed a thick pair of wool socks from his case and knelt in front of Jensen. He peeled off the man’s socks, relieved that they weren’t too wet and rolled on the fresh pair. “You d-don’t need to do that.”

“Your feet are like ice. Take off these pajama pants, too. They’re covered in snow.”

Jensen protested but Jared shushed him and pulled on the pant legs when Jensen reluctantly slid them to his thighs. Jared draped the pants over the back of the chair to dry. Then he knelt in front of Jensen again and placed the man’s feet on his thighs. “Give me your hands.” Jensen held out his hands and Jared sandwiched them between his own. He rubbed them until they no longer felt like ice, but he didn’t let go. When he finally had the courage to look up at Jensen, the play of firelight in his eyes transfixed Jared. He opened his mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come.

“I rarely smoke but I couldn’t sleep and it was such a weird night.” Jensen’s voice was just above a whisper like if he spoke too loudly he’d break a spell that surrounded them.

“Yeah, I should apologize for my family.”

Jensen shook his head. “I don’t have a family. It’s nice how you look out for each other.”

Jared shrugged. “I wish we weren’t so loud about it.”

“I blame the alcohol.” They chuckled and the tension in the room disappeared.

Jared released Jensen’s hands and moved back, carefully placing Jensen’s feet on the floor. “When did you and my mom get so tight? I don’t remember that from high school.”

Jensen squirmed under the blanket. “That night. The one where you found me in the alley and brought me home.”

“Our last night,” Jared added under his breath.

“Yeah, well, in the morning I had planned to sneak out but your mom left her purse out. I thought I’d take a couple of bucks from her and--”

“What?” Jared demanded, indignant over an event that happened years ago.

“Yeah, I know but I didn’t. I couldn’t.” Jensen looked so much younger wrapped up in the fluffy down blanket that Jared couldn’t stay angry. “But, I stood there thinking about it for so long that your mom caught me. Then she saw my face and asked what happened. I told her. I also told her I was running away to some family I had in Washington. She gave me money and she wrote a check for more if I needed it. No one ever did something like that for me.”

Jared stared wide-eyed. His mother never mentioned anything to him. Even when he was heartbroken over Jensen’s disappearance his mother didn’t say a word.

“Once I got a job, I paid her back.”

“That whole time my mom knew where you were?” Jared asked but he wasn’t talking to Jensen. He never thought his mom could keep such a secret.

“No.” Jensen huffed. “Turned out the family I had in Washington didn’t want me either. But I survived. That’s why I became a counselor. I understand what it’s like to have no one.”

Jared winced. “You had me.”

Jensen dismissed that idea with a sigh. “It was impossible to stay. And when I left, it was hard enough to stay alive, to just keep my head above water, I couldn’t reach out to you.”

Jared wanted to understand. Things were different twelve years ago, but he felt betrayed. If Jensen trusted him, maybe they could have left together. Or at least they could have found each other in college. He stood. “I should call the desk and get you your key.”

When he called, Jared also ordered some whiskey and hot chocolate. The whiskey would help him fall back to sleep and the hot chocolate should help Jensen warm up.

“What is that, an Irish hot chocolate?” Jensen asked wrinkling his nose at the drink Jared ordered.

“The whiskey is for me to help me get back to sleep. The hot chocolate is to warm you up. A hot shower or bath would work, too.”

Jensen didn’t hide the way his eyes roamed over Jared’s barely clothed body. “Cold shower would be better,” he mumbled.

Jared sat in the chair opposite Jensen. “Next time you can’t sleep you should try reading. It’s healthier.”

“Yeah, well, the only books I have with me don’t actually put me to sleep.” Jensen chuckled. “In fact, I stayed up all night to finish your last one and then was angry with myself for not savoring it.”

Jared blinked at him. “You read my books?”

“Yeah, of course. I own all of them.” Jared’s pleased smile encouraged him to go on. “I always knew you were gonna be something special.”

Jared shook his head. This was unbelievable.

Jensen continued. “When Ellen told me your family was staying here, I hoped you’d be joining them so I’d get the chance to see you again and maybe get you to sign a copy for me.” Jensen babbled on, “I’m not a crazy stalker. I just wanted to tell you I liked your books.” He huffed in embarrassment. “Not that you’d care what some rando from high school thinks.”

A knock on the door interrupted him. “Thank God,” Jensen whispered as Jared went to the door.

“Whiskey and hot chocolate?” the man asked holding out a tray.

“Thanks.” Jared took the tray and added, “The balcony door shut and locked Mr. Ackles out.” Jared turned around and watched the quilt slide to the floor as Jensen stood. Jared’s eyes boggled as he took in Jensen’s body. His t-shirt clung to his broad shoulders and chest. His boxers cupped a bulge that was definitely not shriveled by the cold.

Jensen gathered his shoes, coat and pajama pants. “Thanks for letting me in, Jared, have a good night.”

Jared swallowed dryly. One whiskey was not enough to erase that picture from his mind. “Yeah,” he coughed and handed Jensen the hot chocolate, “you too.”

The man at the door followed Jensen. “I’m real sorry, Jensen, the door shouldn’t lock like that. I think the cold musta done somethin’ to it.”

“It’s okay, Ash, I’m just glad I didn’t have to jump or break a window.”

Jared stood dumbly watching them. Going back to sleep was impossible while that vision of Jensen was in his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Jared stayed in bed after his alarm rang. He dreamed of Jensen as the man he’d become instead of the teenager he once loved. Those images chased after Jared when he woke. He easily gave into temptation and wrapped a hand around his morning erection. In his mind he was on his knees in front of Jensen in the firelight, the things he could have done, should have done, he would have done, had he not been so awkward.

Jared put that humiliation from his mind. Jensen’s lips, Jensen’s eyes, the breadth of his shoulders, the touch of his skin, the size of the bulge in his underwear.... ah, there was the release Jared had been chasing in his dreams.

Now, how to face Jensen at breakfast without blushing like a teenage virgin?

The inn put out a wonderful breakfast buffet and Jared’s younger cousins filled up on waffles topped with everything from bananas to m&m’s. The adults loaded plates with eggs and sausages or bacon. Jared, however, only had an appetite for one thing and sadly, Jensen wasn’t in the room. Jared grabbed a muffin and a juice and pouted.

He couldn’t shake Jensen from his thoughts. Their past had always been an inspiration for Jared’s writing. Jensen was his muse for storylines and characters. But now Jared was engrossed with dreams of a forthcoming book and a future with Jensen. Jared wolfed down his breakfast so he could begin writing his next novel.

“Jared!” Megan called skipping up to her brother. “Did you bring extra wool socks? Dustin forgot his.”

“Yeah, sure,” he replied before remembering rolling those socks on Jensen. “I mean no. I loaned them out already.”

“Ugh.” She turned to her boyfriend. “Sorry Babe, your toes are going to freeze. Jared doesn’t have extra socks either.”

Confused about how anyone was cold in the cozy inn, Jared asked, “Why are Dustin’s toes freezing?”

Megan glared stupefied. “The ski trip this afternoon, duh. The one Mom has been talking about since Halloween!”

Jared sat back and bit his lip. “Oh, right. The ski trip.”

Megan’s eyes became impossibly larger. “You forgot? How is that possible? Mom mentions it three times a day at least.”

Jared gaped at her, lost for words, but Dustin answered for him. “Easy, seeing Jensen again made him forget.”

Megan didn’t believe it until she saw Jared’s blush, then she sighed. “You’re still skiing with us, right?”

“Uh, actually…”

Megan groaned in exasperation. Then she poked her brother’s chest and leaned close to whisper, “You better get laid.”

“Oh my God, Megan. I’d be happy with a conversation,” Jared replied.

“Um, Jared, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Dustin began. “I saw him leave like an hour ago carrying a bunch of bags and stuff.”

“Bags? Like he was checking out? Or?” Jared asked.

“No, not luggage, just big bags,” he replied.

“If he’s not here, you’re going skiing,” Megan said stabbing a finger into Jared’s chest again.

Jared rubbed his chest as they walked away. Even if he didn’t find Jensen, Jared didn’t want to ski. For the first time in a long time, he woke up wanting to write. His well of inspiration had run dry too many times for him not to jump when he felt the muse.

His mother was not happy that Jared wasn’t joining them for the cross-country skiing excursion. She did, however, understand his need to write while the inspiration hit. “You better join us for carolling tonight or you will find coal in your stocking tomorrow,” she warned before kissing his forehead and letting him stay behind.

Jared had written an outline and a chapter he was pretty proud of when the door to the inn opened.

Jensen walked through with a few large bags that looked to be stuffed with wrapped gifts. A female officer followed him with a similar bag.

“Thank you, Sheriff. I really appreciate the ride,” Jensen said as he set down his bags and took the one she was carrying.

“It’s no problem. I can help you deliver the rest of these when my shift is over at six,” she offered with a friendly smile.

“No, I couldn’t ask you to do that. You have a young daughter at home and it’s Christmas Eve. You deserve to spend it with her. I’ll figure something out, don’t worry. Thanks, though. I appreciate the offer.”

The sheriff left and Jensen sat on the steps. “Shit,” he sighed and pulled out his phone to text someone. He was in a long text conversation when Jared set aside his laptop and walked over.

“Jensen? What happened?”

Jensen looked up and stared for a moment before standing and putting his phone away. “Uh, nothing, don’t worry about it.” He moved his bags adding, “Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.”

“You’re not in my way. Why did a sheriff bring you back? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He looked at Jared and sighed, obviously not wanting to share what happened. However, Jared stood there, patiently, like an unmovable friendly giant forcing Jensen to surrender. “I was t-boned on I45 and it totaled my car. I have to find a way to deliver these presents and replace the ones that were destroyed,” he checked his watch, “So, excuse me, but I have a lot of calls to make.”

“Shit, sorry about your car, that sucks. But I can help,” Jared replied. “We can load all this in Jeff’s car and deliver it. While you’re delivering, I’ll shop for the replacement gifts.”

Jensen gaped, bewildered. “Uh... what?”

Jared texted his brother as he repeated, “I can help. We’ll take Jeff’s Subaru, it can easily fit all this. You can deliver the gifts while I shop for whatever else you need.” He glanced up to find Jensen still befuddled. “I’ll put my stuff away and grab Jeff’s keys. Wait here.”

“But aren’t you skiing? Your mom said you were skiing,” Jensen babbled at him.

“Didn’t want to ski. And good thing, or I wouldn’t be here to help you. Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

A few minutes later, Jared and Jensen loaded bags of presents into Jeff’s car. “I really appreciate this, Jared, but I don’t want to keep you from your family on Christmas Eve.” Jensen had said the same thing in three different ways when Jared returned with Jeff’s keys.

“You’re not keeping me from anything. I want to help and I’ll be back in plenty of time to see my family.”

When Jared started the car, Mariah Carrey’s “All I Want for Christmas” blared through the speakers. “Sorry,” Jared said turning the music down from 9 to 2. “Guess Jeff was trying to get in the holiday spirit.” Jared figured the half-hour drive would be awkward so he might as well dive into the cringe pool. “So what brought you back to my hometown? Usually, when people leave they don’t come back.”

“My dad died. As next of kin I had to come back to settle his affairs.”

“Oh sorry.” Jared paused. “No, I’m not. That guy was an asshole. I hope he died miserable and alone.” When Jensen didn’t immediately respond Jared added, “Unless you guys made up. Then I’m sorry that was shitty of me to say.”

Jensen, bemused by Jared’s rambling, replied, “We never spoke again. I tried, but he made it clear he didn’t want me.”

Jared shook his head in anger. “Nobody deserves that. I’m so sorry he did that to you.”

“It’s why I became a counselor. Too many kids endure stuff like that.”

Jared nodded. “So you stayed here after coming back for your dad. When was that?”

“Almost five years now.”

“Five years!?” Jared repeated hoping he didn’t sound hurt.

“The high school was hiring, and the city changed in the years I was gone. It nearly doubled in size over the last decade. Besides, I didn’t have ties anywhere else.” He looked out the window watching for the exit Jared would need to take. “I went to see your folks. I knew you didn’t live there anymore, but I thought they would tell you I had stopped by. I wasn’t aware that they had moved.”

“Yeah, right after Megan moved out my parents decided they didn’t need such a big place.” Jared pulled off the expressway and into a Target parking lot. He stopped at the front doors. “Okay. You go deliver to the first couple of places and pick me up in half an hour. I’ve got this.” He held up the list as he opened the door.

“Jared, are you sure?” Jensen asked as he climbed behind the wheel.

“Trust me. See you in thirty.” He grinned widely and Jensen watched as two employees greeted Jared at the door.

Forty-five minutes later Jensen parked Jeff’s Subaru in the Target lot only to find Jared waving to him to pull up to the door.

“You’re late. I was getting worried. I realized I didn’t get your cell number.” Jared and two associates were waiting at the tailgate with three carts full of wrapped gifts.

Jensen ignored the mention of his phone number because of his shock at the number of gifts. “How did you?--” Jensen asked, but Jared interrupted him by thanking the Target employees and wishing them Merry Christmas.

“Did you finish with all the families?” Jared asked as he took his place behind the wheel.

“Uh, no, I still have the Bennets up on Yorktown and then the community center,” Jensen said. “How were you able to get all this stuff and wrap it?”

“Kate, Jeff’s girlfriend, well, fiancée, is a district manager or something. I sent her a pic of the list and she contacted the store. They added some things for adults at the center, too. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind? No, I definitely don’t mind being able to give more gifts. This is awesome, Jared. Thank you and thank Kate for me, too.”

“It was my pleasure. And I got us these.” Jared pulled two matching Santa hats from a bag. “Gotta look the part,” he said putting one on and handing the other to Jensen.

Jensen quirked a brow at the hat but put it on without complaint. Jared didn’t hide his pleased smile. “How far up Yorktown is it?”

“Just past Sixteenth. The address is 1584 West Yorktown. Do you know how to get there?”

Jared practically snorted at the question. He pulled into traffic and said, “Dude, I’ve lived here my whole life. I know where Sixteenth and Yorktown is.”

Jensen put his hands up. “Okay, okay. I wasn’t sure Mr. Bigtime Writer remembered the small town of his past.”

“Ha ha. You’re right about one thing, I forgot how hilarious you are.”

After leaving gifts with the Bennett family, Jared drove to the community center. Jensen texted the entire time leaving Jared free to concentrate on traffic. But, Jared spent the time thinking about Jensen instead. For a writer, he shamefully had no words for telling Jensen how he felt or what he wanted.

“Drive around to the back. Misha says we can unload there so we don’t carry everything through the main room while they’re eating.”

“Misha?”

Jensen cleared his throat and stared straight ahead. “Collins. He runs the center. He’s, uh, a friend.”

Jared bit back the urge to ask what kind of friend. Instead, he nodded and drove to the rear entrance.

“So um if you want, you can drop me off with the packages. You don’t have to stay. Go be with your family. I’ll get a ride or something.” Jensen said, hopping out of the car before Jared could respond.

Jared tightened his grip on the steering wheel, then relaxed and took a breath. There was no way he was allowing Jensen to blow him off. A thought started snarling in the pit of his stomach. What if Misha was more than a friend?

Jared met Jensen at the back of the car and grabbed a bag of wrapped gifts. “I don’t mind staying with you or driving you back. My family’s not expecting me for hours and I love spreading the Christmas cheer.” He smiled widely and Jensen shook his head in amusement.

“I won’t forgive you if your mom gets mad at me for keeping you out on Christmas Eve,” Jensen warned him as he led Jared through the backdoor of the center.

“Don’t worry, I have plenty of time to be with my family.” Jared smiled to himself secure knowing that his mom would totally support his decision to be with Jensen.

At the end of the hall, they were greeted by other volunteers who helped take the packages to the main hall and place them under the tree.

Nostalgia punched Jared in the gut when he entered the hall. The room was decorated like the gym had been in his dream the night before. Instead of hormonal teenagers, the hall was filled with families enjoying an early dinner. A cheesy Kelly Clarkson Christmas song played over the speakers making everything more festive. He put his arm around Jensen and snapped a quick pic on his phone.

Jensen glanced at him and chuckled. “Let’s move away from the tree. Do you want something to eat?”

Jared ignored the question for a moment. “Is it just me or does this remind you of our high school dance?”

Jensen looked around but not directly at Jared. “Well, it is an old gym, so yeah, I guess I see the resemblance.”

Jared swore he saw Jensen glance at the bleachers and blush but maybe he was projecting onto the situation. “Oh and Jen, I could always eat.” He patted his stomach and looked toward the food line.

“Good to know some things never change,” Jensen joked nudging him with his elbow. “Let’s get in line. Misha said there’s more than enough.”

“Where is this Misha? I’d like to meet him.”

“You will. I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.”

“Hey, Mr. Ackles! Merry Christmas!” A teenage boy holding hands with a toddler waved to them.

“Hi, Dominiq, Merry Christmas! Glad you made it.”

“Yeah, thanks. This is Rosa. Rosa can you say ‘hi’?”

Jensen crouched down to greet the little girl. “Hi Rosa, your daddy’s told me so much about you. Are you going to see Santa later?”

The girl nodded and Dominiq said, “It’s all she’s been talkin’ about but now she’s bein’ shy.”

“That’s okay, Rosa. Santa likes shy kids just as much as loud ones.” Jensen smiled at her and her father and moved on.

As they crossed the room, they heard several more greetings. “You’re quite the celebrity around here,” Jared teased.

Jensen scoffed. “The perks of being a counselor in a low-income area.” He smiled at another young family. “I enjoy coming to these events and seeing all these families forgetting their troubles and being happy.”

A wave of affection washed over Jared as he watched Jensen move through the room. The feeling evaporated into jealousy, though, the moment another man approached them.

“Jensen! You made it!” The two embraced like long-lost friends. “I was worried.” When they pulled apart, the man’s smile was genuine and fond. Then he turned to Jared. “And you brought a friend. Hi, I’m Misha.”

Jensen faced his friends. “Misha, this is Jared Padalecki. Jared, this is my friend Misha Collins. Misha’s charity runs this center and the shelter up on Lexington.”

The two shook hands but Misha didn’t let go. He placed his other hand over Jared’s and said, “Jared Padalecki, how do I know that name?”

Jared was about to answer when Jensen said, “Jared’s an author. I loaned you his book last spring.”

“Oh, yes.” Misha nodded and finally released Jared’s hand. “And how do you know each other?”

“We dated in high school,” Jared replied with a smile that was part challenge part gloat.

Misha turned wide surprised eyes on Jensen. “You never told me you dated your favorite author,” he said with a slight tease in his voice.

“There are a lot of things I’ve never told you, Misha. How ‘bout changing the subject?” Jensen spoke through a tight smile. “Jared donated some extra gifts for the adults.”

“Just some hats and gloves and warm socks,” Jared added.

“Thanks, Jared, we appreciate it.” Misha pointed at Jensen. “We have a lot to talk about my friend.”

Jensen smirked. “Not really. Merry Christmas, Misha.”

Knowing he was dismissed, Misha laughed. “You, too. Merry Christmas guys.”

When Misha walked away Jared leaned close to Jensen and whispered, “Was I not supposed to tell him we dated?” Some concern replaced his earlier smugness.

Jensen shook off the question. “It’s fine. He’s just giving me shit. Let’s grab some food and get you back to the inn.”

“There’s no rush, man,” Jared assured him again earning a small scowl from Jensen.

“Why don’t you want to be with your family? They’re great people. Look around. Do you realize how many others would give anything to have what you’ve got?” Jensen sniped just loud enough for Jared to hear.

Stunned, Jared could only blink for a few seconds before answering, “I see my family all the time. I haven’t seen you for twelve years. I wanted to be with you. Is that so bad?”

Jensen sighed. “No. Sorry.” He smiled weakly. “Nevermind. Let’s eat and watch some kids see Santa.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jared said, but he thought a lot was going unsaid between them.

As they ate, Jared’s phone pinged with messages. He glanced at the screen and laughed. “Mom says she hopes we’re having fun but to save our voices for carolling later. And my siblings are trying to out cute us.” He handed his phone to Jensen to show him pictures of Jeff and Kate kissing under mistletoe and Dustin drinking hot chocolate while Megan kissed his cheek.

Whatever anger had been in Jensen disappeared when he looked at Jared’s phone. As he studied the photos a fond smile blossomed. “Caroling?” he asked returning the phone.

“Yeah. I’m not sure if we’ll go anywhere or simply sing at the inn. It depends on the weather and who’s up for what.” Jared shrugged with a smile. “But according to my mom, it’s not Christmas until we sing.”

“Okay and what time is that happening?”

Jared looked at his phone. “We should probably leave in about half an hour.”

Jensen nodded and returned to watching Santa deliver gifts. He broke out into a wide grin when he saw Dominiq and Rosa get their gifts.

Jared watched with a pang of remorse. He wished he had thought of something he could have gotten Jensen. He had even been at a store… not that Target had an appropriate gift for Jensen. What says “I know we haven’t talked for twelve years but I think I might still love you”?

Neither man noticed Dominiq walk up to their table. “Hey, Mr. Ackles? Thanks. The library doesn’t have this one yet, and I’ve been dying to get my hands on a copy.”

Jensen grinned. “You’re welcome, but I can do you one better.” He turned to Jared. “Would you mind signing Dom’s book for him?”

Jared’s mouth fell open. “You gave him my book?”

“You’re Jared Padlecki? Padaki?” Dominiq stuttered then took a breath. “I mean, Padalecki?”

“Yes. And I’d be happy to sign your book,” Jared replied holding out his hand for the book but still staring at Jensen.

“Oh man, I wish I had the other ones here. I love your stuff, man!” Dominiq continued, enthusiasm rolling off him as he bounced on the balls of his feet waiting for Jared to finish. “This is so awesome! Thanks, Mr. Padalecki! Thanks, Mr. Ackles.”

“Thank you, Dominiq. It’s great to meet a fan. And Merry Christmas,” Jared said returning the book.

“Yeah! Merry Christmas to you, too!” He left to rejoin his family with a smile bright enough to light the room.

Jared took a moment to let his emotions settle. Was this a joke? Did Jensen and this kid actually like his books that much? What was he supposed to think? “Is that why you were late picking me up at Target? Were you buying that just so I could sign it for him? Why in the world would you buy my book?” Jared whispered even though Dominiq was no longer near them.

“I bought that ages ago when I found out he would be here. You signing it is simply frosting on the cake, man.” Jensen chuckled. “I told you, I like your books. Dom is a sci-fi guy, too. They’re good books, Jared.”

After doubting himself for so long, Jared didn’t easily accept Jensen’s words. He was uncomfortable and the old sense of not having enough air returned. “We should get going. I don’t want to be late for caroling.” He stood up and cursed himself for not having the courage to tell Jensen how he felt.

Darlene Love’s Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) was playing when Jared started the car. Jensen groaned quietly. “Hey, stop that. I love this song,” Jared said turning up the volume.

“It’s a great song, but a little sad.” Jared gave him a confused look so Jensen changed the subject. “Remember how Letterman had her on his show every year.”

Jared nodded. “Yeah and that guy who’d tell the Lone Ranger story.”

In unison they said, “They’ll believe me, citizen,” and laughed.

“Well, don’t worry, my mom doesn’t allow any new Christmas songs in our caroling. No Mariah or Gwen Stefani. Only the classics.”

“What, like hymns?”

“No, well, yeah, maybe a couple, but more like Bing Crosby and Dean Martin.”

Jensen cleared his throat and sang in perfect imitation of Dean Martin, complete with snapping fingers, “It’s a marshmallow world in the winter. When the snow comes to cover the ground. It’s time for play, it’s a whipped cream day, I wait for it the whole year ‘round.”

“That’s perfect.” Jared beamed at him. “Wait ‘til Mom hears your velvety tones, you’re going to make all the ladies swoon.”

“Making the ladies swoon. That’s my jam,” Jensen joked.

“Can you do the Bing Crosby thing where he goes ‘boo-boo-boo-boo’?”

Jared’s impersonation was so awful Jensen choked with laughter. “What was that? You’ve got to do it again.”

Jared tried to repeat it but couldn’t stop laughing. “Don’t laugh, I’m a great singer,” he whined playfully.

Jensen wiped tears from his eyes. “Don’t quit your day job.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Good.” Jensen’s laughter had subsided, and he brushed a hand self consciously through his hair. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you back there with Dominiq and your book. It’s just sometimes I’m grasping at straws to relate to a kid. Somehow we got on the subject of sci-fi movies and that reminded me of your book so I loaned him my copy and it opened him up.”

Jared smiled to himself. “That’s unbelievable.” Jensen opened his mouth to argue but Jared pressed on. “I’m amazed you knew about my book, let alone liked it. That you’ve used it to help someone blows my mind.” He hazarded a glance at Jensen. “Especially because it’s about you.”

Jensen’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “What? How is it about me?”

“The brave kid who has to live in a hostile alien world. He uses his charm and his wits to befriend other misfits to help him. You don’t see it?”

“I’m not brave like that, Jared,” Jensen argued, his voice suddenly soft and serious.

“No one sees themselves the way others see them. You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. And you charm the socks off everyone you meet.”

“No, I don’t...”

“The only reason he doesn’t match your description is because I was so worried that anybody who knew me and read it would recognize you.”

“I’m not..” Jensen tried again

“To me you are. You are fearless and loyal and --”

“Shut up. I can never read your books again.” His words had no anger or threat in them, but they silenced Jared.

Jensen sighed. “I loved your books because I saw you in them. It was the only way I could have you in my life. It was like a tiny glimpse of you every time.” After a moment, he spoke again. “I looked you up once. You’re not on social media. It’s obvious your publisher made your Facebook.”

Jared struggled with what to say. Too many thoughts and emotions twisted in his brain.

“Tonight, your helping me, that wasn’t for a story was it?” Jensen’s words were colored with self-doubt.

“No. Absolutely not. Honestly, seeing you again inspired me and that’s why I didn’t go skiing, I was writing.”

Jensen nodded and turned toward the window. The opening chords of Last Christmas began to play and Jensen shut off the music. Silence enveloped them.

A few minutes later, Jared could no longer keep quiet. “The other night when I asked you to dinner--”

“Last night,” Jensen corrected him.

“Last night? Wow, seems longer ago. Anyway, I was trying to ask you to join me, just me, not the family, but my mom kinda jumped in.”

Jensen turned toward him with a grateful smile. “That would have been nice. Too bad we don’t have time. I guess we kinda had dinner together tonight.”

Jared shook his head. “No. I didn’t mean dinner in a noisy gymnasium. I meant simply us. And what do you mean we don’t have time?”

“Tomorrow’s Christmas and you check out on the 26th, don’t you?”

“Yeah so?”

“We can’t have dinner on Christmas.”

“What about the 26th or next week?”

“Aren’t you going back home?”

“Yeah, but,” Jared paused as he realized why Jensen was confused. “Jensen, I live here. Well, not here in the middle of nowhere, I live up in Stratford Commons.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I have a condo I share with my cat, Bagheera, and I teach at the community college.”

Jensen shook the bewilderment from his mind. “I can’t believe you live less than a mile from me and I had no idea.”

Jared grinned. “I didn’t realize you lived here, either. But what do you say? Will you have dinner with me?”

Jensen huffed a laugh. “Wow, Jared Padalecki is finally making the first move and asking me out. I think I have to say yes, or it would ruin the historical significance of the act.”

“Oh! I forgot how hilarious you were. We can forget it if you’re going to be like that.” Jared said full of fake indignation.

Jensen laughed. “Oh, hell no. You finally asked me out. There’s no way I’m letting you back out of it.”

Jared reached across the center console and took Jensen’s hand.

Jensen stared at their entwined fingers for a while then said, “I failed history because of you. I was late every frickin’ day because I’d wait for you to walk down that hall. Just so I could see you. I was always planning ways to sneak off with you, not that we could or would... I was such a fool for you.”

Jared huffed a small laugh as he thought about their time in high school. “I fell so hard and so fast for you I would forget to breathe.”

Jensen’s thumb rubbed over the back of Jared’s hand. “Are we actually going to do this? Simply pick up where we left off in high school?”

Jared squeezed his hand. “I would say it’s too soon to be in love but I’ve never been out of love with you.” His voice was quiet and sincere. “You were my first love. My first everything. I don’t care that we haven’t spoken for twelve years.”

They passed a sign for the inn and it nearly cracked the private world they were in. “I don’t believe in soulmates, but no one else made me feel like this,” Jensen said.

Jared took a deep breath. The knot of anxiety constantly present in him loosened and relaxed. “I get what you mean. I wouldn’t call myself a hopeless romantic but I never gave up hope that I’d see you again.”

Jared pulled into the lot and parked Jeff’s car. As they walked to the door, the only light was from the Christmas lights decorating the inn like a gingerbread house. “If my family gets to be too much, you don’t have to hang out. I totally understand.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easy, Padalecki.” He stopped walking and tugged on Jared’s hand making Jared stop and turn. Grinning, Jensen gripped the lapels of Jared’s coat to pull him in for a kiss.

Sherry Padalecki was sure she had seen headlights sweep across the front of the inn. It had to be the boys, they were the only ones missing. She left the carollers and moved to peek out a front window. There amidst the falling snow and Christmas lights, Jensen Ackles was kissing her son. She smiled to herself, letting the curtain fall back into place.

Jensen joined the family as they carolled through the neighborhood surrounding the inn. He stuck close to Jared as if they weren’t touching the man might disappear. When they returned to the inn, the family gathered by the fireplace in the main room to enjoy eggnog, cocktails and cookies.

Jeff quirked a brow at his little brother and his proximity to Jensen. “You two a thing now?” he asked in the razzing manner older brothers seem to master.

“Kinda,” Jared said wondering why he suddenly sounded like a child.

Jeff’s smile turned into a full teasing smirk. “Wow that's huge for you, Jare. I'm pretty sure this guy was your last serious boyfriend. You've been love ‘em and leave ‘em since high school.”

“Jeff, leave your brother alone.” Kate slugged Jeff’s arm and turned to Jared with a soft smile. “I'm sorry, two drinks and he's got no filter. I'm happy for you, Jared. And Jensen, please ignore anything Jeff tells you for the rest of the evening. He’s been using whiskey to keep warm since the ski trip.”

“Hey!” Jeff whined, but Kate rolled her eyes and pushed him away from them. “Merry Christmas, boys.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was tortuous saying goodnight. Jensen thought that now since he had Jared, he should never let him go. But, it was midnight on Christmas Eve and the family was waking up early to go to church. He wanted to be respectful and proper but his desire for Jared made that challenging.

Did Jared have to look so inviting in his button-down shirt that was open at the collar and tailored to accentuate those shoulders? Did Jared know that he looked like sin and sex on two extremely long legs? Legs that Jensen wanted wrapped around him? And those hands — those long, perfect fingers. Just the way they wrapped around a beer bottle made Jensen’s gut clench with want.

Jensen fell back on his bed. He didn’t realize he had been touching himself until he pulled down his zipper. He’d have to make due with his own hand tonight, but soon it would be Jared’s hand. Or his mouth, or his ass, Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, the thought of being inside Jared was nearly too much.

A quiet knock at the door interrupted Jensen’s private gratification time. Groaning he stood and made sure he was presentable before answering the door.

“I’ve been a very good boy,” Jared said holding a Christmas stocking. He stepped around Jensen into the room. “So good that Santa wants me to be bad. And,” he smirked at Jensen and emptied the stocking onto the bed. “I don’t want to disappoint him.”

Jensen was confused until he looked at what fell from the stocking. Boxes of condoms and several small bottles of flavored lube were scattered on the bed. He was momentarily embarrassed that a family member had put that in Jared’s stocking but he was far too interested in making use of the items to care.

“Yeah,” he said clearing his throat. “Never disappoint Santa or you end up with coal in your stocking instead of-” he picked up a bottle of lube, “Peppermint stick slick.” He cocked a brow mischievously at Jared.

With his hands on Jensen’s hips, Jared turned him so they faced each other. As a teen, Jensen had always driven him crazy with lust, but the man in front of him made Jared weak with want. He needed Jensen in ways he didn’t even know about as a kid.

Jensen wet his lips as Jared stared at him. He whispered Jared’s name before dragging him closer for a kiss. He unbuttoned Jared’s shirt and slid it off his shoulders. He kissed Jared’s jaw; he nipped and kissed along the tendon in Jared’s neck; he licked and sucked on Jared’s collarbone and got toe curling hot moans as a reward.

He couldn’t stop tasting and worshipping Jared’s chest. Every inch of skin had to be caressed and kissed. Every touch left him craving more. He kissed Jared’s sweet, delicious lips, letting the kiss telegraph his every desire to Jared. Jensen’s hands quit their exploration of his chest and shoulders to work open Jared’s pants. Jensen fell to his knees and breathed against Jared’s crotch. Carefully stretching the waistband of Jared’s underwear, he slid them down without snagging them on the glorious cock they held.

One hand wrapped around his prize while he licked and sucked the tip into his mouth. Jared growled Jensen’s name, but he wouldn’t stop until Jared begged to be fucked. Even then it was too soon for Jensen. He didn’t know when he’d get another chance to have Jared naked in his bed, so he was determined to draw out every moment. He swallowed Jared slowly and deliberately, over and over until Jared’s body quaked and his fingers dug painfully into Jensen’s shoulders. “Jensen, stop, please” Jared pleaded, and his name sounded so good in Jared’s husky voice that Jensen didn’t stop. He kept stroking and swallowing Jared’s cock until he felt Jared shudder against him. His balls tightened and the muscles of his thighs flexed under his hand.

Jensen squeezed the base of Jared’s dick just enough to stave off the man’s orgasm. “Not, yet,” he whispered, his voice scratchy from the work his throat had done.

Jared whined, frustrated until Jensen stood and pulled off his shirt. Getting Jensen naked was a plan Jared fully supported. They fumbled onto the bed as they both worked to remove Jensen’s pants. A miniature bottle of lube dug into Jared’s back and condom packets stuck to his sweaty skin, but the tiny giggle that erupted from Jensen when they fell made the discomfort worthwhile.

Jensen pulled back just far enough to meet Jared’s eyes. His gaze was filled with need and heat but there was something more. The look reminded Jared of when they were teenagers groping in his room. Jensen leaned in taking Jared’s mouth in a kiss that brought Jared back to the present. This wasn’t the boy who had stolen his heart, this was his Jensen all grown up.

Jared silenced his phone alarm and rolled over. It wasn’t an eggnog induced dream, Jensen Ackles slept next to him. He didn’t want to tear his eyes away from him, but Jared had to leave. His family was expecting him in thirty minutes. As he dressed, he checked out a box of Jensen’s books. Peeking inside, Jared saw hardcover editions of his first two novels and a paperback of his last one. An overwhelming sense of pride and gratitude bloomed within him. It meant the world that Jensen had bought those books.

“Hey.” Jensen called from the bed, his voice still scratchy with sleep. “What’re you doing?”

Jared turned and smiled. “I have to join the family for church.” He walked to the bed and kissed Jensen’s forehead. “You can join us if you like.”

Jensen grinned and laid back. “Think I did enough prayin’ last night.”

Jared chuckled, “Saying ‘Oh God’ while we fuck isn’t exactly praying.”

“Worshipping at the temple of your body is a holy experience.”

Amused, Jared shook his head. “I’ll see you when we get back, then?”

“Mm-hmm,” Jensen replied snuggling further under the covers.

It took twelve years to get Jensen back, Jared wasn’t about to let him go.

He devoted every moment to getting reacquainted. They discussed everything from movies and books to sports. Jared learned that Jensen needed coffee to function in the morning but that he played guitar to relax in the evening.

They spent New Year’s Eve at Jared’s condo watching fireworks and kissing at midnight. On New Year’s Day they moved Jensen into his new house.

To Jared it felt like a new beginning. The magic of the holidays was over. They would both have less time to spend together in the coming weeks. Their new relationship would be tested in the “real world.”

As the night drew to an end, Jensen grew quieter. Jeff’s description of Jared planted doubt in Jensen’s heart. Would Jared stick around now that they had to return to work and real life?

He sat on the couch in his new place and pulled Jared down next to him. “So, when I found out you were staying at the inn, my biggest wish was just to see you. I didn’t think I’d get the chance to talk to you. Having all this happen is more than I ever imagined. I haven’t been this happy since you said ‘yes’ to that movie junior year. I know this is too fast, and this is too soon, but,” he paused struggling for words. Jensen didn’t look at Jared, afraid he to say more than he should. "Will you still have time for this? for us? I know you have your writing and your teaching. You’re going to be busy. I get it if you have to put us on the back burner."

“Just because vacation is over, shouldn’t mean a step backwards. I want you in my life.” Jared took Jensen’s hand twining their fingers together. “I’m not going to run away from this if you’re not.”

Jensen marveled at how well their hands fit. It was nearly impossible to tell whose fingers were whose. “I’m not that scared kid anymore. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jared smiled, wide and bright. “Good, because our story isn’t over yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. xo~ Jill


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